Peony Motherhood

When we moved into our foreclosed home over five years ago the yard was overgrown. It had sat, untouched, for nearly two years causing buckthorn to grow. By ‘grow’ I mean take over. It choked out all of the beautiful perennials that someone had so carefully and strategically planned and planted.
 
We attacked the yard the following spring and cut down all that we could. In the next few years those perennials started to poke through. All sorts of pinks, yellows and purples started to pop up as the ground thawed. This year I saw the greatest bloom of peonies. As I trimmed a few to put into a vase, I breathed in the wonderful scent that reminds me of warmer weather.

These pretty flowers were hidden, trapped, under a mess of an invasive plant. These plants did not immediately come up after we rid our yard of buckthorn. It has taken years. 

 I carefully trim a few stems to place on our dining room table and am reminded of the journey it took to get this many blooms. This peony journey is my motherhood journey.

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That first year of motherhood was a blur. From going through labor for the first time to navigating through those newborn days, I was probably a mess. There was a lack of identity that first year. I was a teacher, a wife, a daughter, a student, etc. but all of the sudden, this squishy little being is relying on me for everything. There was an absolute dying to my own selfishness that had to take place, sometimes with my feet dragging and sometimes willingly.  
 
I always wanted to be a mom and I always knew I wanted to stay at home with my babies. It has been nothing short of rewarding, an absolute joy and the greatest blessing. When I left my teaching career, I never looked back. I know I was called to be mommy to my children but like those peonies, I was choked a little.
 
Most of my hobbies, passions and creative outlets were things I had to push aside in order to keep a house running and kids alive. Each year, I have allowed myself to carve out time, to put aside household tasks that weren’t critical and remember that I need to do these things that make my creative side flourish IN ORDER to better serve my family. Each year my peony plants have grown and bloomed larger. Over five years into motherhood I feel like I am able to balance life a bit more.

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I’ve pulled out my brushes and paints more, I’ve taken more photos and allowed myself to carve time into my week that allows me to create art. As my children have grown older they have taken interest in creating art alongside me and it brings me so much joy.
 
This is what motherhood looks like for me. Sometimes it’s flourishing and everything is beautiful. Sometimes it’s choking and leaving us searching for a way to catch our breath. Sometimes the everyday-ness of being a mom leaves us tired, exhausted and ready to throw in the towel. Sometimes we can sit with a hot cup of coffee and watch our children play peacefully together.
 
My Motherhood is a lot like peonies.

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